Shouldn’t the hard parts of life be over by now? We came out to our parents, which was a nightmare. And we stayed diligent with condoms, even though we really didn’t want to play safe. We were even nice to that bitch at the club who pursed his lips. Haven’t we spent years building up a lifetime of good karma? So, why is it so hard to master gay online dating and find a great guy online?
It turns out that most guys are doing gay online dating all wrong. So, it’s time to shut up, sit back, and equip yourself with our seven skills to master for gay online dating and finding that perfect man – or perfect men. We don’t judge.
1. Open Up Your Mind
Unless you have a time machine, you have no idea what realms of pleasure you’re going to achieve in your lifetime. Most importantly, you don’t know the kinds of men that are going to afford you that pleasure.
My point is that you think you know your type – but you don’t. Open up your mind to the kinds of pleasure that come from brothers who’ve experienced all walks of life. Don’t shut down a date because the guy is light-skinned, religious, has long hair, or is 5-years older.
Being single means that you’re in the prime time of your life to try new things and learn the things that you don’t know.
2. Stop Making Online Dating Choices Based on a Feeling
The next man I hear describes his process as “swiping until I get the butterflies” is getting a slap upside his head. And ass.
Guys are literally swiping through dozens of gay online dating profiles until a picture of a guy leaps out at him and gives him a happy feeling.
That feeling isn’t the guy, it’s that Caramel Sweet Potato Pie you had 20 minutes ago being absorbed into your bloodstream. We are all so lucky to have so many options available to us on these apps. Don’t sabotage your own happiness by setting the bar at an impossible height.
3. Take Better Online Dating Photos
The kind of man that’s going to message you on a gay online dating site based on your heavily edited, jock-strap revealing mirror selfie is not the kind of man you want inside you.
The men that are the best at sex and actually stick around are the same men that want to see you at your best. Upload photos of yourself at that watercolour class. Or why not put up that photo of you at your graduation? It’s totally cute and makes you look tall next to your tiny classmates.
If you upload filth-level photos of you crawling all over the bathroom floor, expect replies from filth monsters. Also, karma searches out bitches who photoshop. Just saying.
4. Pay More Attention
I hear constant gripes from men complaining that they get no attention on gay online dating apps and sites, but they reply to every message a week after it was sent.
Keep an eye on your accounts! How can you be neglecting them so much? These sites and apps don’t work for you when you only half commit to them. Give them the energy they deserve and reply to brothers on the same day they’ve messaged you.
Same-day replies tell fellas that you’re organised, you’re present, and you’re reliable. Plus, gay online dating sites feature profiles more predominately the more you use them. It’s good business for them, and good for your business as well.
5. Make More of an Effort
What does your gay online dating presence look like? When someone is welcomed to your profile, does it just say “haters gonna hate”? Or maybe a whole list of everything you’re not into?
Are they greeted with a three-word bio, and a photo of your arse, torso, or you flipping them the bird? If so, you deserve that empty inbox. People make snap decisions, and even though you pretend not to care, you have to put your best foot forward.
No one wants to admit that they need these apps, mostly because they don’t realise that we’re all on them. It’s not shameful to need the help of a website or app to help you find “the one” or to get laid. But it is a disgrace to let that shame force you into making a crappy online presence.
If you’re going to do it, do it well. Either write a bio that’s inviting or ask a friend who’s good with words to help you. Saying what you want is much more inviting than listing all the things you don’t need.
6. Roles Aren’t Everything
Whether we admit it or not, at least in our own mind, we know what we “are.” Whether you love to bottom or consider yourself the king of the tops. We know what we like. Or at least, we think we do.
I’ve tried a lot of freaky things in my time. All I’ve really learned is that I still have no idea what I like best. I’ve learned that there’s a lot of men out there that really know how to deliver pleasure, and it’s not your job to guess how it will turn out ahead of time.
It seems like some people will be amazing, then they’re terrible. Other guys look as if they’ve never even been kissed, then you find out they’re a fantastic lover.
Stop being so tied up by your role and let someone surprise you. Free yourself from assumptions and let life teach you a thing or two.
7. Don’t Assume
The strongest guy I ever had sex with was 5’1” tall. He threw me around the bedroom and dominated me in all the right ways. I never would have seen it coming, and never would have known unless I’d taken a flyer on him.
This doesn’t just apply to sex; it especially refers to online messaging. Some people are terrible at messaging. They may come across as a complete jerk online. But in person, they’re super cool, relaxed, and sexy.
There’s just something about written communication that’s really difficult to nail for a lot of guys on gay online dating sites, which is why really great writers get paid handsomely.
I encourage you to adopt a policy where you give everyone at least one chance to impress you in person. Don’t be so quick to make snap judgements based on your past prejudices.
If there’s a vibe, meet them in public, and make sure someone you trust knows where you are. But at least give that weird-seeming guy a try. You never know; the guy that can’t message to save his life might be the one.
Open up your mind. Become more generous with your assumptions. Once you’ve done that, the universe will reward you with love, more sex and great new experiences like you never imagined. And hey, you be careful out there.
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