I’ve never felt at ease in gay circles. Some say it’s normal to feel out of place in gay communities. You don’t need to follow what most gay people do in order to be…well, gay. But “what is gay culture?”

As long as you respect other queer men and women and their right to be who they are, then all will be just fine, right? If only.

Culture defined

“Culture is a way of life of a group of people—the behaviours, beliefs, values, and symbols that they accept, generally without thinking about them, and that are passed along by communication and imitation from one generation to the next.”

Texas University

So what is ‘gay culture’?

Gay culture, as I see it, has always been a toxic and superficial brew of discrimination, prejudice, fetishism, and stereotypes based on youth, good looks and how things appear on the surface rather than what they are in reality.

Too many gay men I’ve met spend their lives being nasty to everyone, including their so-called friends and partners. Cattiness and bullying are rife on the ‘gay scene’ and in relationships, as is the hedonistic, drugs and alcohol-fuelled lifestyles many men adopt.

And don’t mention the promiscuity. The artistic output of certain gay men is about all I can stand of that way of life (or culture). Yet with all of this said, I love men with a passion. I feel no sense of self-loathing at all as a result of my homosexuality. You may beg to differ.

Feel free to comment below!


  1. These Guys that Love Men need to just group themselves together and continue to lead a lowly slick undercover life . You made the Choice to come into the community so get out and do yourselves. You don’t own the right to complain or past judgement , like straight folks gay folks pick and choose who they wish to associate with ( called Life – get with it or just die trying ) stop running away from yourselves . Be true to who you are always being Gay is not a gimmick or a club -,It’s the freedom to be to love to create , and indeed Gays have created Fashion Shoes Haircuts NFL AFL Soccer Hockey Olympics, oh wow seems like Gays run the Worlds Society and wow both straight and Gay Men Love it .

  2. The number of gay men who believe themselves to be free of internalized homophobia because they “feel comfortable with themselves” is regrettable. The hostile look at other gays is also internalized homophobia. Gay culture is not just a way of life. Many different ways of life embrace gay culture. Gay rights activism is also a phenomenon that grew out of gay culture. Gay art, music, science, literature and even gay religious faith are elements of this culture and its varied ways of life. Embrace gays and their culture.

  3. The “culture” of being gay – in my opinion, has never been anything that is accurate. There shouldn’t be a “culture” to who a person chooses to have sexual relationships with. What is the culture of being “gay”? Saying ‘girl’? Watching RuPaul’s Drag Race? Loving Beyonce?

    I think most gay people decide to align themselves to what society perceives the “status quo” of what it is to be gay/bi (or whatever sexual preference wanting to be identified as), which is pretty negative, caused from the residuals of non-acceptance and judgment.

    What really annoys men who are interested in other men is being associated with the stigma that has become a singular identity that speaks of a category of men who only share the commonality of enjoying the company of men and perhaps similar experiences with upbringing and childhood traumas.

  4. What you call “culture” I call a learned, defensive behavior rooted in survival techniques. And if it is learned it can be unlearned. Don’t mistake prevalent social behavior as culture.

  5. AMEN!!! I 100% agree. I despise it and it is a toxic lifestyle. I may be a homosexual and an androphile but I am definitely not gay. GAY is not sexuality it is a horrific, degrading, and destructive lifestyle of bigotry, racism, and separatism.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here