Ever wanted to ask a pornstar the dos and don’ts of booking a sex worker so you don’t have to find out for yourself by trial and error? As one of the leading names in Southern Africa’s rapidly developing sex industry, specialising in the burgeoning gay sector, I’m here to offer you a few tips.
I wanted to cover the dos and don’ts of hiring a sex worker from all angles, including tips for clients looking to experience a thrill while remaining safe to the needs of other existing or would-be sex workers who want to improve their game. From my own experience and tête-à-têtes with others in the business, here’s what I’ve learned:
Dos for the client:
- Do take your time and ensure you’re comfortable with the prospect of the experience.
- Do remember that we are human before we’re sex workers when you book us.
- Do get consent for everything.
- Do remember that you are not entitled to do whatever you want with us because you are paying.
- Do remember that we are entitled to decline to offer our services to you, just as you are entitled to decline our rates and take your business elsewhere.
- Do be hygienic. We’ll both have a more pleasurable experience.
- Do feel inclined to be generousity with tips if you’ve had a great experience.
- Do communicate your wishes clearly and be transparent.
Don’ts for the client:
- Don’t be afraid to end the session as soon as you feel uncomfortable or unsafe.
- Don’t act disrespectfully or demeaning towards us unless we’ve both discussed and agreed to a type of role-playing which is relevant to that behaviour.
- Don’t try to force us to do something we haven’t previously discussed. Understand that we have our own boundaries.
- Don’t argue with us about our rates. Under no circumstances is this acceptable, even if you are interested in our services.
Dos for the sex worker:
- Do encourage your clients to be as transparent as possible. You can make the experience more pleasurable the more you know about them (their kinks, desires, preferences, etc.).
- Do understand that your appearance, age, and penis or butt size are genuinely unimportant to the client, and if they aren’t, you have the right to move on.
- Do remember that self-care is not only vital to you as an individual but also to your clients. Rest and recuperate when needed. When you are your best self, you provide your best work.
- Do practise mental health care as a part of your regular self-care. An activity that allows you to relax and maintain a healthy relationship with your mind is advisable. Personally, I meditate.
- Go for regular health check-ups at a local clinic or your doctor, not only for your clients but for yourself as well.
- For COVID19 reasons, enhance cleaning techniques including sanitising, sterilising surfaces and equipment, changing and washing sheets and bedding between clients and wiping down high-use objects such as phones.
- If you can, use a non-contact thermometer to check the temperatures of your clients.
Sex worker don’ts:
- Don’t do it for money. Greed will make you do things you’re not comfortable with. So, yes, money is important, and it’s what we need to take care of ourselves, but we need to have a point where we draw the line.
- Don’t allow your clients to coerce you into doing what you didn’t agree to previously. This is a blatant disrespect of your boundaries.
- Don’t allow your clients to ask for discounts unless you offer.
- Don’t allow people to dehumanise you simply because you work in a stigmatised profession. Whether you do sex work as a necessity or a passion, you still deserve the same level of respect as a white-collar employee and should accept no less.
It is essential to remember at this point that knowing your HIV status can provide important and powerful information to help you take measures to keep yourself and your partner(s) healthy. If you test positive, you can take medicine to treat HIV and ensure that you can’t pass it on.
While HIV-infected people who take antiretroviral drugs according to regulations can live long and healthy lives well into old age, it is still vital to avoid contracting this life-threatening disease. Using PrEP or PEP to stay negative and protect your sexual partner while ensuring your health also has important mental and physical preventive benefits.
Offering and experiencing sex work is meant to be a pleasurable experience. Hopefully, the above tips, dos and don’ts will assist you in making your next booking your best one yet!
- You may also like to read Sex And The Single Black Gay Man.
- We recommend Just Business? The Unknown World of Male Prostitution in the Netherlands for an interesting look at sex workers.