I guess ‘am I gay?’ is a question many boys will have asked themselves during their confusing teenage years. It’s certainly a question that every gay male will have needed to tackle at some point and come to terms with the answer.
But, then, of course, there are the fortunate ones – the majority – those for whom their sexuality has never ever been in any doubt.
By their heterosexual certainty and acknowledged prowess with the opposite sex, they are the individuals who may have initiated a desperate concern in other minds. But to not be one of the pack, to not have the very same hunger for members of the opposite sex as your peers, does not immediately make anyone gay.
Times are changing gradually, possibly too slowly, for some children growing up in an overwhelmingly heterosexual world that instils preconceived ideas and expectations in every boy’s mind from an early age. So, when the time comes that he reaches adolescence and discovers that those expectations are not satisfied in him as they may be in his good friends, he ends up being worried. Not being ranked alongside one’s peers can be devastating to many adults, let alone adolescents.
Confronted with the feeling of being different, young men respond in many different ways. Only a few will manage the scenario easily. Some may end up being reclusive; some may turn to bully others; some to use recreational drugs, and others might certainly turn towards criminal activity to fit in or get their much-needed phrase from their peers. However, most men in this situation will try to maintain an act: an appearance of being perfectly “normal”.
This act and the need to prove themselves to their friends and family while asking, “am I gay?” will often only aggravate the situation. When same-sex thoughts enter their minds, ideas that they may think of as bad or wrong, a terrific sense of guilt, self-loathing and regret can engulf them. This period can be a challenging time in the life of many boys and men. Some may even consider suicide as the only means of escaping the expectations of a heterosexist world.
Adolescence, and the working of sexual desire, arrive at various times for different individuals. There is absolutely nothing wrong with or unfortunate about being a late developer. However, once everything is discovered to be in working order, it is normal for the feelings and desires that show up around this time to be somewhat “weird”. The surge of hormones the body has to cope with and make some sense of can, for some, come up with very peculiar advice, fascinations, and destinations.
It is not unusual during this time for boys who will go on to be “regular” heterosexual males to have “a same-sex crush”. It might be a teacher, a friend, a colleague, it could be anybody, there are no guidelines. It may not even be just one person. But, again, there is absolutely nothing wrong. Here is not the time to fear one’s sexual orientation; it is more a time to consider the possibilities.
Most who get to this stage will have received no preparation for the alternative sexual orientations that life can throw up. Few of us will have known then that one in ten males will end up being gay nor that one in five men will have gay sex at some point in their life. These facts are truths that may be hard for some to accept, but they are “regular” in everyday life.
Was it to be any various, then in a greatly heterosexual society, and with a couple of gay individuals actually recreating, by long previously, there would have been no gay individuals left in the world? However, it is a known fact that the percentage of homosexual people in the world has differed little throughout history. Although we might not understand its reason, nature has actually seen fit to keep this status quo.
We now come to the crunch question: how do I know if I am gay? As soon as that has taken place, the sexual desires and urges will be significantly better fed and nourished by the thoughts and fantasies of either one or the other of the two sexes. This might be equivalent for a few individuals, or it may alternate continuously throughout their lives. They are what we describe as being: bisexual.
Gay, bisexual or straight, it matters not – you are you, and you are unique. Whatever sexuality you may be, no 2 individuals are ever precisely identical – not even twins. Be proud of who and what you are, and if you find that you are bisexual or gay, then keep in mind that is rather ordinary in the grand scheme of things. It is just some locations of society that still have
I guess this is a question many young guys will have asked themselves during their confusing adolescent years. It’s definitely a question that every gay guy will have to tackle and come to terms with on discovering a sexual interest in men. But to not be part of the majority, not having the same appetite for the opposite sex as others, does not instantly make anybody gay.
Around one in ten males will turn out to be gay, and around one in 5 men will have gay sex at some time in their lives. So be proud of who and what you are. If you discover that you are gay or bisexual, remember that is quite typical in the excellent scheme of things. Although there are still some countries where homosexuality is outlawed, there is a global trend toward decriminalising same-sex acts.
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